Here is my final draft of the This I Wonder essay.
Pink Lines
In the bathroom at my little apartment in Horsham, PA, across from the former Willow Grove Naval Base my life changed forever. It was April 2001, sunny and beautiful outside. That’s all I remember about the day. I haven’t felt well for a week or so before and the cause of feeling sick and more tired than usual could only be solved by that little box with the stick inside that I had to pee all over.
I was 22 and still fresh into the Navy. I was a Hospital Corpsman despite my parents not wanting me to join the military. College at the time was not working out to my favor so I decided the military was a way to get my feet wet in the real world. I met Jimmy at EVOC (Emergency Vehicle Operation Class) training on the base. He was part of the base security updating his training with police vehicles, and I was learning how to drive an ambulance. We clicked right away and hung out a few times before we started dating. I was still getting to know him, but he seemed wonderful and I enjoyed his company. I had been in Horsham since October and worked at the base medical clinic. He was the first man I had been with since I left for the Navy. It was fun and I wasn’t planning or expecting anything serious.
Ever since I was little and was told I was adopted I swore that I would never have an abortion. I felt if I did then it was like betraying myself. My birth parents chose to give me a better life and gave me up instead of aborting me. I never knew my birth parents and probably never will. In Missouri, all adoptions are closed which means neither party can know about the other one. I am on a list saying I would like to know them if they want to know me and so I can learn family medical history, but that hasn't happened yet and as I get older the chances are less likely. So how could I not do the same when it was my turn? I had the dream probably like everyone else that kids would come after a career and a husband. How was I going to tell him, “Hey remember that night in February we were together? Well our ways of prevention might not have worked.” Yeah I can see that would go over great.
Luckily I was off work this April day. It took a lot of coaxing to go to the store to get this piece of plastic that will decide my fate. I was in that bathroom for what felt like forever. I wasn't ready for the responsibility of being a mother, but not sure if I could give him or her up either. Could I get an abortion? No one would know and life could go on as if nothing happened. But I would know. I would see a kid at the park and feel guilty of what I destroyed. No, I would keep him. I would make it work. If Jimmy wanted to not be apart of his life then that’s his choice, but I can totally do this and find a way to make this work.
It was after sunset. I had been in the room all day. Pee on the damn stick already. Whatever happens you can get through it. Adapt and overcome. Adapt and overcome. Great now I sound like my chief from bootcamp. Well, here goes nothing. Stupid pink lines. Pink lines messing up my plan. Not like I was one who really had a plan. I always kind of did what I thought would be good at the time. No plans. No preparing. It worked well with my procrastination that I had going. My mother said it would be the death of me. Well, I’m not dead but what the H E double hockey sticks do I do now?! Yes, it appears that I am pregnant.
Great he’s coming over. I called to let him in on the event of my day that I was pregnant and now he’s coming over to talk about it. I was fine and I didn't need him coming over telling me how to feel. I told him I was pregnant. He said, "Are you sure?" "Of course I'm sure", as I showed him the pink lines. "I can't believe it! We're going to have a baby! That's amazing", were the words I was not expecting. Wasn’t he worried about what might happen? We barely knew eachother, so how did he think it was a good thing? That was not the reaction I was expecting. I expected him to hang up and stay far away from me and want nothing to do with me. He knows nothing. Maybe he’s stupid? Alright he’s not stupid but seriously who does that? We talked about every teeny tiny scenario and I told him how I felt about abortions and adoption. He agreed that it was scary but that he would be there with me and we would take care of the baby together. We were going to raise a child together one way or another.
Through a lot of ups, downs, breakups, fights, and making up we raised our children. Yes, I had a boy. And I was blessed with another two boys later. And that same man proposed and I finally said I do in June 2013. They all mean the world to me and I can’t imagine a world without them. Things would be so different if I didn’t have them in my life. I wonder if I would be the same person today if those pink lines never came. The reality of those pink lines turned out to be a blessing and I am proud of the path I chose.
Pink Lines
In the bathroom at my little apartment in Horsham, PA, across from the former Willow Grove Naval Base my life changed forever. It was April 2001, sunny and beautiful outside. That’s all I remember about the day. I haven’t felt well for a week or so before and the cause of feeling sick and more tired than usual could only be solved by that little box with the stick inside that I had to pee all over.
I was 22 and still fresh into the Navy. I was a Hospital Corpsman despite my parents not wanting me to join the military. College at the time was not working out to my favor so I decided the military was a way to get my feet wet in the real world. I met Jimmy at EVOC (Emergency Vehicle Operation Class) training on the base. He was part of the base security updating his training with police vehicles, and I was learning how to drive an ambulance. We clicked right away and hung out a few times before we started dating. I was still getting to know him, but he seemed wonderful and I enjoyed his company. I had been in Horsham since October and worked at the base medical clinic. He was the first man I had been with since I left for the Navy. It was fun and I wasn’t planning or expecting anything serious.
Ever since I was little and was told I was adopted I swore that I would never have an abortion. I felt if I did then it was like betraying myself. My birth parents chose to give me a better life and gave me up instead of aborting me. I never knew my birth parents and probably never will. In Missouri, all adoptions are closed which means neither party can know about the other one. I am on a list saying I would like to know them if they want to know me and so I can learn family medical history, but that hasn't happened yet and as I get older the chances are less likely. So how could I not do the same when it was my turn? I had the dream probably like everyone else that kids would come after a career and a husband. How was I going to tell him, “Hey remember that night in February we were together? Well our ways of prevention might not have worked.” Yeah I can see that would go over great.
Luckily I was off work this April day. It took a lot of coaxing to go to the store to get this piece of plastic that will decide my fate. I was in that bathroom for what felt like forever. I wasn't ready for the responsibility of being a mother, but not sure if I could give him or her up either. Could I get an abortion? No one would know and life could go on as if nothing happened. But I would know. I would see a kid at the park and feel guilty of what I destroyed. No, I would keep him. I would make it work. If Jimmy wanted to not be apart of his life then that’s his choice, but I can totally do this and find a way to make this work.
It was after sunset. I had been in the room all day. Pee on the damn stick already. Whatever happens you can get through it. Adapt and overcome. Adapt and overcome. Great now I sound like my chief from bootcamp. Well, here goes nothing. Stupid pink lines. Pink lines messing up my plan. Not like I was one who really had a plan. I always kind of did what I thought would be good at the time. No plans. No preparing. It worked well with my procrastination that I had going. My mother said it would be the death of me. Well, I’m not dead but what the H E double hockey sticks do I do now?! Yes, it appears that I am pregnant.
Great he’s coming over. I called to let him in on the event of my day that I was pregnant and now he’s coming over to talk about it. I was fine and I didn't need him coming over telling me how to feel. I told him I was pregnant. He said, "Are you sure?" "Of course I'm sure", as I showed him the pink lines. "I can't believe it! We're going to have a baby! That's amazing", were the words I was not expecting. Wasn’t he worried about what might happen? We barely knew eachother, so how did he think it was a good thing? That was not the reaction I was expecting. I expected him to hang up and stay far away from me and want nothing to do with me. He knows nothing. Maybe he’s stupid? Alright he’s not stupid but seriously who does that? We talked about every teeny tiny scenario and I told him how I felt about abortions and adoption. He agreed that it was scary but that he would be there with me and we would take care of the baby together. We were going to raise a child together one way or another.
Through a lot of ups, downs, breakups, fights, and making up we raised our children. Yes, I had a boy. And I was blessed with another two boys later. And that same man proposed and I finally said I do in June 2013. They all mean the world to me and I can’t imagine a world without them. Things would be so different if I didn’t have them in my life. I wonder if I would be the same person today if those pink lines never came. The reality of those pink lines turned out to be a blessing and I am proud of the path I chose.